I would march on the gates of hell with my friends.
I loathe the word “networking.” There are people whose sole desire is to be friends for political, economic, or other benefits.
Eoghan Harris, an Irish screenwriter, called networking “friendship based on utility: that is using a person to meet our needs.”[1] We all know what it’s like to be used. Our so-called friends call us only when they need something. Like you, I’ve had once-called friends betray a trust, causing me deep pain. And, then there are those whose friendship evaporates for unknown reasons, leaving us feeling betrayed and empty.
Aristotle said “virtuous friends are the greatest of external goods.” To Augustine friendship is a “union of hearts, a concordia.” But the country singer Tracey Lawrence gets right to the heart of the issue: “Somebody’s gonna drop everything, Run out and crank up their car, Hit the gas, get there fast, Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far’, They just show on up with their big old heart. You find out who your friends are.” Friendship isn’t about “I wonder what network I can build with this relationship?” but rather “I wonder what I can do for my friend today?”
I have many kinds of friendships and many friends. Perhaps, as I tell you about some of them, you will think of people in your lives for whom you could say the same. I have friends like Cheri, Noelle, Colleen, Sue, Doug, or Brian for whom that Tracey Lawrence song applies. Dave and Tom are my friends just because we enjoy each others’ company. Jim, whom I call “dad,” is such an important friend that I will get on a plane in a couple of months, purely to go see him in Arizona. Steve is a friend with whom I share an inexpressible, yet lifelong bond. With some friends like Dave or Mick, I pick up the conversation where we left off—sometimes over years. I have young friends like Anna or Ben with whom I shared an interest in film and business respectively. Some of my many students have become friends, like John and Rachel or Mark and Kate with whom I claim both temporal and eternal bonds. My educator friends like Dan, Doug, Larry, Mick, Sam, or Nancy understand, as I do, the underappreciated rigors of teaching. Doug, Ken, Dondi, Blake, and Rod are some who joined arms with me as we went through grueling doctoral studies together. And friends like Tommy are such a comfort because we can be as open and honest as we need to be about everything.
My friends are not in any network. I agree with Aristotle who said that people cannot be true friends until they have eaten salt together. All of the people I mentioned in this brief commentary are folks with whom I have tasted the grit of life. We have agonized, borne heavy burdens, and gone through the gates of hell together. And isn’t that the truest test of friendship? A friend loves at all times, no matter what. For Moody Radio, this is Dr. Mark Eckel, personally seeking truth wherever it’s found.
Mark is ever grateful for his friends. For those friends not mentioned, please remember, Mark is only given 3 minutes to speak. He is Dean of Undergraduate Studies at Crossroads Bible College. To be aired on Moody Radio, Fall, 2010.
I count it a great privilege to call you my friend, Mark. Very grateful!
I do love your writings, Mark, and especially this one!! You will be forever my friend, though we don’t see each other any more……heaven for ever…’Till the Shout’ Nancy
What about the Biblical kinds of friends? The Bible tells us that Abraham was a “friend” of God, and the word used here for friend only refers to a covenant friendship. Personally, I have been monitoring my usage of the word “friend” since learning about Biblical covenants, because there is such a strong meaning behind it. Since I realized that blood must be shed in order to use the Hebrew (Greek?) term for friend, and we must “State the Seven” and walk through the animal carcass together before I can–according to the Old Testament–be someone’s “friend,” I have called very few people my friends. I think that that word delves waaaayy deeper than just someone who genuinely cares about you; not that that’s a bad thing, but there is another whole level to friendship to be touched on.
My dear nephew. I have covenantal relations with all my friends: we have shed blood together and walk through The Blood together. I take the term quite seriously. DRUM
Shed literal blood? Or Jesus’?