It is hard, O Lord,
to go from battle to battle,
to engage the enemy in my own ranks,
to know that the war is long and my strength is short,
to be encouraged by a “victory” and immediately dismayed by a “defeat,”
to realize that I can only do so much, and often my “much” is not enough,
to think that I only have a few years left to make a contribution beyond my years,
to miss the joy of what was and accept the disappointment that now is,
to remember that You don’t need me but You expect me to serve You,
to despair that “changing hearts and minds” is too slow a process,
to shake my head when I am pushed away from what I came to do,
to struggle with my own depression and emotional roller-coaster,
to wish for friendships, which take years to discover and build,
to have the “good” outweighed by the “bad,”
to even pray this prayer, Oh Lord,
It is hard.
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“to remember that You don’t need me but You expect me to serve You”…I heard someone say that the only thing that motivates God is His own glory – is this true? Though I understand our purpose on earth to be giving glory to God through service and obedience, I had never heard a statement like this concerning God’s motivation for His acts.
Though I am always reticent to place my finite boundaries around The Infinite, Isaiah 43:7 surely is direct. I believe Psalm 115:1 well summarizes our immediate response. But my poem tells of the gut-wrenching real-life issues we all face we all face.
Indeed. I appreciate you putting into words what many of us experience and yet are hesitant or feel unable to express.